The Phoenix Season: Rebuilding Life After Fear and Uncertainty

Remember ages ago when I said I'd do this more regularly?

I meant it. I had the themes, the subthemes, and even color schemes. But life has a way of reminding you how much you need to hold on to your spiritual sense when pragmatic life makes no sense.

First, my mother got sick. She's fine now (thank you, God), but it forced a life change that reset the entire foundation of my family. As a result of that, I started exhibiting symptoms that made me think I had a batch of crazy, with a side of death. I know what it is now, and yet, both my support group and I imploded under the pressure. Ever been there?

It took a year or so, but we rebuilt my life, from the ground up. I never really "stopped" what I was doing, but the "go" shifted into a much more tentative (read: scared) way of being. I started therapy, quit therapy, had numerous medical tests, and lost over 40 pounds because I was scared to eat.

Me, foodatarian and wife of a chef, became afraid of food.

That scar is still healing.

So I thought I'd use this missive to give some context before telling you about the bounce I’m in.

I feel like a lot of us are here, in the “bounce place.” Do you feel it?

The bottom was hard hit, effectively breaking the wings I’d spent decades building. But here's the thing: In the rebuilding of my life, I realized the skin I had just shed was built for a different woman, and I was no longer her.

Back in October, I journaled that this was "the end of an era for me," and I'm just curious if you feel the same.

Not just the country's politics or the price of whatever, but the air itself. The chaos and lovelessness are not indicative of a permanent change we will all accept. But when I tell you the phoenix in me is laughing at the changes going on, even as I continue to release the former me.

I just wanna know if you feel it, too?

Please, tell me I am not the only one. Seriously, tell me. I'd love to know. Because new and big things are coming, and us rebirthed phoenixes will need to link arms.